By Elpida Kontomaru, Psychologist – Psychotherapist, MSc in Adolescent Mental Health: Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Many parents notice that during adolescence, their child begins to talk less, withdraws to their room, or avoids discussions about school, friends, or their daily life. This change often raises concerns and questions: Is this normal? Is something wrong? Should we push them or wait?
Scientific research shows that some of this withdrawal is normal during adolescence. Adolescents are in a phase where they are developing their autonomy and trying to form their own identity. During this process, it is common for communication with parents to temporarily decrease, without this necessarily meaning there is a problem (Laursen & Collins, 2009; Zimmer-Gembeck & Van Petegem, 2017).
At the same time, however, research shows that the quality of communication between parents and adolescents is one of the most important protective factors for young people’s mental health. When there is open and supportive communication, adolescents exhibit fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression and greater emotional security (Zapf et al., 2024; Kapetanovic & Boson, 2022).
Withdrawal can have various causes. In many cases, it is simply related to the need for more independence. At other times, however, it may be linked to school-related stress, difficulties in peer relationships, low self-esteem, or trouble managing emotions. In such cases, the teenager may struggle to express what they are experiencing and choose silence as a form of protection.
It is also important to remember that teenagers do not stop needing their parents, even when it seems like they are pulling away. On the contrary, research shows that emotional connection with the family remains a key factor for their mental well-being at this age (Ryan & Lynch, 1989; Soenens et al., 2019).
At this stage, how parents respond plays a crucial role. Pressuring them for immediate answers or constantly pushing them can make communication even more difficult. On the other hand, it helps when parents show availability without pressure, interest without criticism, and stability without excessive control.
Some practices that can help include choosing appropriate moments for discussion, avoiding a critical tone, active listening, and accepting the teenager’s emotions even when we don’t agree with them. Often, the most meaningful conversations don’t arise from questions, but through everyday shared moments.
It is equally important for parents to serve as role models for communication. When a teenager feels they can speak without fear of criticism or punishment, they are more likely to share what is on their mind. A sense of security in the relationship with parents is a basic prerequisite for keeping the lines of communication open.
Ultimately, the goal is not for the teenager to talk to their parents constantly, but to know that they can do so when needed. During a period of increasing autonomy and frequent changes, the presence of a stable and available parent serves as an important anchor for the child’s development and emotional well-being.
